The End...

We got the results of our pregnancy test and unfortunately they were negative. I was not really surprised at this news. When I think back to our last IVF cycle everything was so perfect and went so smoothly. Even from the beginning we could just feel that we were going to have twins and they were going to be a boy and girl. This time was much different. My body was not handling this cycle the same. I have been taking progesterone shots for 16 days and it has been horrible. I have become allergic to the progesterone and every shot would result in a welt that ranged from the size of a golf ball to a baseball. This cycle will make our 8th failed attempt during our different fertility treatments we have done. But we have decided that instead of looking at all the failures we are going to look at the 1 cycle we did have work that resulted in our twins!

This journey that we have been on has been a real blessing to us and as hard as it has been I wouldn't change it. We have gotten to experience what its like to have God guide you through a valley in your life and to bring you out of it. As disappointed as I am to not get to have the other two babies and I will always wonder what they would have been like. My eyes are now opened to how easy it would have been to not of gotten Eli and Aly. This lesson was so clear today that it almost scares me and makes me want to hold on to them and not let go. It was easy to fall into the idea that since I had gotten pregnant with them that this cycle would be a breeze and I should get pregnant no problem. However today's results taught me otherwise.

This cycle was our last attempt at getting pregnant. I want to thank everyone for their prayers and words of encouragement over the last couple of years. You have helped make our dreams come true. And we will forever be thankful for you all being there as we went through our journey to get these two wonderful babies!

Embryo Transfer #2!!

Today was the big day we had our final embryo transfer!! It was a very surreal moment to know that is was our final chance to add to our family forever! As we went in we both walked in with the thought that the transfer today is the beginning to a whole new phase of our lives no matter what the outcome and we are ready for whatever God has in store for us.  

But onto the appointment! Everything went great and we transferred 2 perfect little embryos! As you can see in the picture the one on the left looks different. The doctor said that it is already hatching which is a great sign. It also doesn't mean that the other embryo is less likely to stick because when we transferred Eli and Aly neither of them had started hatching either. 

The last time I had this process done the worst part was when they made you drink 24 ounces of water 1 hour prior to the transfer. Well once again I can say that it is still definitely the worse part lol They were running a bit behind schedule so by the time I got back in the room my bladder was too full for them to do the procedure. So they allowed me to urinate for 10-15 seconds and then hold the rest. I can tell you that this was pretty miserable. But the actual transfer part was done in about 10 minutes. The second picture of the ultrasound is showing them releasing the embryos into the uterus which is pretty cool!

But now the hard part begins...The dreaded two week wait. I know anyone who has had problems getting pregnant knows that this can feel like the longest two weeks of your life. During the wait I have to continue taking my progesterone injections, progesterone pills, and estrogen pills.

A lot of people have asked if we want one or two this time and I can honestly say I want them both. I know that it may sound crazy but I already feel attached to them both! After having Eli and Aly from this same process it really brings into perspective that these little embryos really are our future children. At one point Eli, Aly, and these other two embryos were actually in a lab together waiting to find out who got transferred first. I'm sure this is going to be an interesting story to explain to our children some day but I am so thankful once again to get this opportunity to grow our family!

I have figured out during this FET cycle that it has felt so much different than our IVF round that we did with Eli and Aly. But I finally figured out that it is because when we were trying to get pregnant with Eli and Aly we were so desperate. And it was not desperation really coming from a good place it was coming from a place of brokenness from all the failed fertility treatments. When we had them that area of our lives was finally fulfilled. With these two embryos its different. We want them just as much but instead its coming from a motherly place of we want them simply because they are ours and we want to add to the family we already have!

We have our blood test in a few weeks but we plan on doing the same as we did last time where if we become pregnant we will wait to announce it until after we have an ultrasound! But as soon as we can announce it we will let everyone know!!

Please just keep us in your prayers over the next few weeks! We've known all through this that God has a plan for us with these embryos. Right now though we are just at the waiting point to find out if its to bless us with more kids or possibly a lesson as a good reminder to never take for granted the two we have already been blessed with. So we ask for you just to pray for us to have peace during the wait and that everything continues along perfectly as it has so far! Thank you all for your encouragement and prayers! And I pray the next time you all hear from us we have great news to share!

Injections and Hysterosonogram

I received all of my medications this past Wednesday which was really exciting!  It was my first time getting to really experience what it's like to have kids while going through the fertility treatment! It is so much more relaxing than the first time because I was so scared that it wasn't going to happen that I just didn't even get to fully appreciate the experience. This time I know that it can work, of course I'm not going to be naive, I know that there is still a chance it may not work this time, but now we really get that all the work that we put into it is really for a purpose. That's why this picture is so amazing to me because in the top picture from two years ago I never thought I would be so blessed that we would get to do it again while including our two children! 

On Friday I had my hysterosonogram and everything went great! The kids didn't get to go to the doctor with us this time but they had a blast playing with mamaw! When we got there it was really neat that while we were sitting there we looked over and saw the copy of our article we was featured in placed on the table! 

When we got into the room to do the hysterosonogram it brought back so many memories. It was the room that they retrieved my eggs, transferred the embryos, and the most amazing day was when they told us we were having twins! So it helped calm my nerves over the procedure just getting to sit there with Zack and reminisce over everything that had gone on at Kettering the last cycle! 

The small square door behind Zack's head is to the lab.
That's where they pass the embryos from to be transferred.

While I have had quite a few procedures done this was one I had not done because with our last round they just did a hysteroscopy while doing my surgery to remove my endometriosis. So this time they did the hysterosonogram along with another mock transfer (practice of transferring the embryos). Like I mentioned last time a hysterosonogram is basically an ultrasound of the uterine cavity following an injection of saline into the uterus. The main reason they really wanted to do this was to make sure that after my twin pregnancy that everything still looked fine with my uterus. I was pretty nervous to have this done just from what the paperwork they had given me on it had said, but it really wasn't painful at all like I was afraid it was going to be. 

So now that the results on it were perfect and my blood work came back good they gave me the go ahead to start my Lupron injections (used to stop ovulation from occurring), which began yesterday! I will continue these shots for the next 3 weeks and I will also be adding in estrogen pills (used to thicken and mature the uterine lining) starting next Tuesday. There will be more medications to add in but those will begin after my ultrasound that will be in a little less than 3 weeks on October 7th. 

I will update again after my next ultrasound! Its really hard to believe that I only have one more appointment until the embryo transfer!!! Please just keep us in your prayers! We really appreciate all of you that have followed us through our journey! 

FET Calendar Schedule

We have finally reached the starting point for our FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer)! I began my birth control pills this past Sunday which is the first step in the process! I also received my FET Calendar and ordered all of my medications this week!

Here is my Calendar for the next two months:

So as you can see while I don't have near as many appointments as I did with IVF,  there is still almost as many medications I will be taking. It is really nice with the FET that they can plan the exact day that I will have the transfer! So unless something would end up getting changed right now it is set for October 14th!

I am a little nervous this time about remembering all the medications that I will be taking. It was a challenge last time and I didn't have two toddlers then. So I'm sure my phone will be full of reminders at each medication time. 

Next week I really start into the whole process of everything. I get my medications Wednesday and then on Friday I have my hysterosonogram.  A hysterosonogram is basically an ultrasound of the uterine cavity following an injection of saline into the uterus. It is used to check for any issues in your uterine cavity. Following this upcoming Fridays appointment I am to begin my first injections of Lupron on Monday the 19th!

We are so excited to finally be getting started into the whole process! Just pray that the results from the hysterosonogram as well as some blood work I had done this past week all turn out well! I will update again after I am started into my medication and have the results all in! 

Frozen Embryo Transfer - 1st Consult!!

Today we had our consult to begin our frozen embryo transfer (FET)!! But before I go into the details we found out today I want to give those that are just learning about our journey a little back story first.

Due to my husband having Cystic Fibrosis we are not able to have children naturally. So from 2009 to 2012 we went through atleast 7 IUI's (Intrauterine Insemination's) at a fertility clinic in Columbus. Every one of those but the very first one failed which turned out to be a chemical pregnancy that ended only a week after we found out we were pregnant. In 2012 we decided to take a break from trying due to the emotional and financial toll it took on us and we just prayed that God would let us know his plan when it was time. In May of 2013 I went to check the mail and there was a package with a card from some of Zack's family who lived out of state. The card said that they were saving of money to help us to try to get pregnant again and so our journey began! With us saving as much as we could and with the help of our family and friends we began the IVF process in February 2014 at Kettering Reproductive Medicine! By that May we had two embryos implanted and became pregnant with twins! We had our two beautiful children in January 2015! The part we didn't really focus on in our blogs before was that we have two frozen embryos left and that takes us up to now!

                   

                 

Back when we started the IVF journey we knew we would have to make a decision as to what to do with any left over embryos. Our options given to us were to either freeze them to be transferred later, adopt them out, donate them to science, or destroy them. I know this is a very personal decision that you make as a couple but for us after having the twins our decision was obvious. These two frozen embryos are just as much our children as our twins are and had the doctors decided differently which two embryos to use first then one of our twins could be a frozen embryo right now. So today we had our consult to begin the frozen embryo transfer!!

It was very surreal to take the kids to where it all began! But it was amazing to take the kids around to meet the doctor and nurses who helped make it all possible!

                           

We met with our same doctor we had before, Dr. Bidwell, and we got to discuss what all the FET process will involve. Basically a frozen embryo transfer (FET) is a cycle where the frozen embryos from our previous IVF cycle are thawed and then transferred back into me. So we will get to skip a lot of what we did last time. It will still involve hormone injections and oral medications but it is still much simpler.

Right now the plan is to call when I began my next cycle at the end of this month and we will begin everything! Once I call I will get my calendar with medications, order bloodwork, and schedule a sonohysterogram (water ultrasound). The ultrasound is to make sure there is no scarring from being pregnant with the twins.

We are very excited to begin this process for our final time! The doctor said we will transfer both embryos but the chance of twins is less likely due to being a frozen cycle. However we will be blessed with what ever God gives us!

We would appreciate everyone's prayers as we begin this process again! You all were such a great support last time and we wanted to continue to keep everyone involved! Thank you all!

They are here!

Over whelming! That's the word I would use to describe the past few weeks! We have been overwhelmed with both happiness and stress. So sorry it has taken me a while to do the final post but I have had a really hard time finding the words to describe everything. It was like the beginning of their birth was a fairy tale and then reality hit.  So for those that don't know the story I will start at the beginning of the day the babies were born.

We were so excited for the day (January 16th) to finally be here that they babies were coming! We were so anxious that we ended up getting ready about 2 hours to early and then we had to just sit at the house and wait. So finally it was time to go to the hospital! It was a very surreal moment to drive through the area where we were driving when we found out that we were pregnant 9 months earlier. We got to the hospital and they started getting me all prepared for the c section. Luckily the wait to be taken back to the operating room flew by because we had a lot of our family there with us waiting on the babies to come.

I really was not nervous at all until they came back and told me it was time to go to the operating room and Zack had to wait to come back until everything was ready. So they took me back and did my spinal which I was pleasantly surprised that it didn't hurt at all. And within no time Zack was back there with me and it was time for them to start. 

I have to say that a c section is a very different feeling from any procedure I have ever had done because of all the tugging and pulling you can feel when there trying to get the babies out. But first out was Eli and he came out no problem weighing 7lbs 2 ounces! It was the best feeling in the world to hear him coming out screaming! Next was Aly to come out weighing 6lbs 11 ounces and they had a hard time getting her out because of the way she was laying. When she came out we really didn't hear anything and it took her a few seconds to start crying. And even once she started crying she was very "floppy", as they called her, which they said meant she was very slow responsively they said probably because how hard it was on her getting her out. But she finally came around and started responding well. They let us hold them both for a few minutes which is a moment we never will forget! Then they sent Zack out with them both to the nursery to get cleaned up while they put me back together. And then for about 2 hours we got to live out our dream of holding both of our babies and celebrating with our family the excitement of our two little miracles!

Then reality hit...I noticed that Eli was making grunting noises and at first everyone thought I was just being paranoid. And then the noises got louder and my cousin, who is a respiratory therapist, decided she better check him out to make sure everything was ok. When she checked him he was pulling really hard trying to breathe. She rushed him back to the nursery for them to check his oxygen. So Zack went back with her to make sure he was ok and his oxygen was in the low 80's. At that point I didn't really understand the severity of the situation but as the day went on he just kept getting worse. They ended up having to put him on the C pap to force his lungs to stay open to get the oxygen. But once they put him on the C pap at SOMC they were only allowed to keep him there on it for an hour without having to send him off. So that night Dr. Cook from SOMC pediatrics came in and told me that they were going to have to fly Eli out to Childrens hospital. I have never had as much respect for a doctor as I do for her now because of how genuinly concerned she was for Eli having to been sent out. But that was when I knew it was serious and it was so hard because I had not been able to see him for hours since they had taken him to the nursery. I wasn't allowed to get up from my bed because I still had to have the catheter in from the c section. Thankfully since the helicopter was going to be a couple of hours they were willing to remover my catheter early so I could see him before they sent him off. They took pictures of him first and gave them to me to prepare me for what he looked like. And once we got in there they wanted to take a family picture of us before we all had to be separated. I'm not going to lie though at this point I was on some IV pain medication so I was a little out of it when they were sending him out so I was a little delirious. But on a side note I at least was providing my family with some humor and I randomly woke up while waiting on the helicopter and told both my parents and Zacks how nifty my disposable underwear was lol Once the helicopter loaded him up, Zack took off to Children's with his parents and my dad to go be with Eli but me and Aly had to stay at the hospital because I couldn't be released yet. This really was one of my biggest fears come true with having twins.

I really handled being stuck at the hospital the next day pretty well until that evening when Zack called me and said that the Cpap had caused a partial pneumothorax. He told me they were going to have to stick a needle into his chest to release the air. After they got the air out his oxygen stats all started improving for a few hours so I thought everything was finally getting better but that night he had the pneumothorax again and they were going to have to stick a needle into his chest again. They also decided that they were going to have to put him on the vent to give his body a rest. This was when I finally reached a breaking point and within an hour Zack had it worked out to where me, my mom, and Aly could come stay at the Ronald McDonald house across the street from Children's and I had it set up with the nurses for me to leave early the following morning. But before I go on with the story I want to mention how great SOMC's nurses were that night. They were all so supportive and encouraging and one of the nurses even prayed with all of us after I found out the news. 

So less than 48 hours after my c section me, mom, and Aly left the hospital and went home to pack our stuff to go to Columbus. Leaving the hospital was such an emotional experience because I never imagined leaving the hospital without Zack and Eli. When we got to Ronald McDonald house I unloaded my stuff and then went straight over to the hospital. Nothing could have prepared me for seeing my 3 day old son on a vent. Even now as I sit here holding him while writing this the image is so burned into my mind that it makes me cry thinking about how helpless he looked. But something I never really shared with anyone was how much of a failure I felt like as a mother because I couldn't even get myself to talk to him. Even when we was alone I would try and I would just start sobbing. So I would just sit there and stare at his oxygen stats for hours and listen to the alarms going off because his numbers would drop to low. I think I literally was starting to have a mental breakdown during that first week of him being in the NICU. I felt so pulled between Aly being at the Ronald MacDonald house(she was the hit of the place with mom showing her off all week. She even got her picture with Ronald McDonald) since she wasn't allowed at the hospital and Eli in the NICU. I even started to feel sorry for Zack because not only was he also having to go back and forth between kids but he also was having to deal with me crying every time I saw him. We both realized that it was to much for me at this point so my doctor decided to prescribe me anxiety medication. I normally wouldn't take something like this but I knew when I had pretty much stopped eating, started having panic attacks, was breaking out in a stress rash, and I was disconnecting from the babies that it was more than just the typical baby blues women get after having kids. 

Once they had determined that Eli had Respiratory distress they decided to give him surfactant because his lungs were just not fully mature since they were born at 37 weeks. They waited to late to give it to him so he didn't respond as fast as they had hoped he would. But after a few days of being on the vent they were able to take him back to the C pap and then down to just the cannula for oxygen. Then began our next problem of getting him to eat by mouth and not by the feeding tube. We spent about 5 days in the NICU with just trying to get him to take enough of the bottle. We would get him to drink an ounce or so and if we would get him to take more most of the time he would vomit it back up. So after talking to the doctors they decided to transfer him back to our local hospital where we could work on feeds.

As soon as we got back to SOMC it was like something clicked and Eli decided to finally start eating. He still would occasionally vomit but we figured out if we would have him take breaks while drinking then it wouldn't happen. So due to him being in the nursery and not having a room for the first time in 11 days we had decided we would take Aly home and come back the next morning. But within about 2 hours the nursery called and said that his oxygen was staying in the high 80's so they were going to have to put him back on oxygen. I couldn't handle knowing that we were not with him so I went back down to the hospital and slept in a rocking chair all night in the nursery. Thankfully the next morning they were able to get him right back off of the oxygen. So at this point we thought we had finally turned a corner and he was going to be released in the next few days. For the first time since they were both born we were able to spend time together as a family and Aly and Eli were able to actually be in the same room together.

Then began the heart problem. We were sitting in the little room they had off the side of the nursery that they were letting us sit in during the day and all the sudden his heart monitors started going off. This happened quite often in the NICU but normally it was because his leads had come off or were not reading right. But for the first time it was actually reading right and his heart rate was in the 230's for about 3 minutes. After that multiple times for just a few second spurts his heart rate would shoot back up. The hospital knew that was not normal and for the 2nd time in 2 weeks they decided that he would have to be sent back to Children's hospital where they could figure out his issue faster and get him the medicine he would need. Thankfully this time he was stable so he was able to ride in the ambulance back to Children's. The next morning based on the readings SOMC had on his heart they already knew he had SVT (supraventricular tachycardia).  They decided that he would need to take propanolol every 6 hours. He only had 1 more episode after he started the medicine but they made him wait an additional 24 hours after that episode before he could be released. Before they could for sure release him he did have to pass the car seat test which is where they put them in there car seat for the length of your drive home and make sure their oxygen stays good. Thankfully he passed it the first time and after 15 days in the hospital he was finally being released! Here is each of them in their coming home outfit!

I really thought that after the whole experience we would be a nervous wreck taking him home. But it was like after they found the heart issue we both knew that everything was all right. 

Since being home life has been great! We couldn't imagine life without them and they already have us wrapped! Thank you to all of you that have prayed for us and donated money to make our dream of having a family possible! We appreciate all of your support and encouragement that you have given us over the past year! This has been one of the longest struggles we have dealt with and at the time through each set back we can see that God had his hand on every situation. We know now looking back that each time it looked like we were alone in the situation God was working it out in a special way for us! We're thankful for the previous 5 years of unanswered prayers or we would not have the even better blessing that God has given us with Eli and Aly! It was hard to understand at the time when God said no but now we can truly see that everything was for a reason and we couldn't be more blessed!

                                                      

                         

Weeks 31 - 34 Pregnancy Update!

Its hard to believe that this is my last pregnancy update before the twins come! I really didn't think I would make it as far as I have without going on bed rest or going into preterm labor but God has really blessed us! I am getting a lot more uncomfortable now but definitely manageable, mainly they are just getting really heavy. 

The beginning of this month I had an appointment at OSU and they were both doing great! It was the first time we seen them practice breathing on ultrasound. Eli weighed 4lbs 1 ounce and Aly weighed 4 pounds! 

This past month each week I also started having Non Stress Tests(NST) at SOMC triage and the Bio Physical Profiles(BPP) done at Dr. Roberts office, which I explained what they were in the last blog. Of the 3 BPPs I had the babies passed all of them with no problem! The NST have been a little harder for the babies to pass. They normally should take 20 minutes or so but they have been taking around 2 hours each time for them to pass. I have had 3 scheduled NST but one of them Aly failed due to a short deceleration in her heart rate and we repeated the test the next morning and everything was fine. Usually it just takes so long because its hard to keep Eli on the heart rate monitor for long enough for them to get the readings they need due to his position.

The babies have had a pretty good growth spurt this past month. At week 32 my stomach measured 36 weeks and when measured this past week 34 weeks(almost 35) my stomach was measuring 42 weeks. So while I had been so proud that I hadn't gotten any stretch marks that unfortunately is no longer the case lol

Also I had another great and final appointment at OSU this week!! The belly measurements going up so much made sense when we found out that Eli weighs 6lbs 14 ounces and Aly weighs 6lbs 1 ounce!! Eli's head is in the 99% and his belly is in the 90th% as well so he is going to be a big boy and Aly's head was also in the 96% and her belly was in the 70th%. The weights they come up with are based off of measurements so they can be off a little but even still if they are off some that is great weights for twins especially at 35 weeks.  Here are some ultrasound pictures we got this past month. 

We think this is of Eli with Aly's spine in his face.
The ultrasound tech got a bit mixed up with who was who

Eli's hair

The best news of all is that I found out when the babies are going to be coming!! So unless they come earlier they are doing a C section on January 16th at SOMC!! They have to do a C section because the babies are both still laying side ways almost as if they were laying in bunk beds. But we are so excited! We have everything already packed so now we just wait!

Here are the pictures from this month of my belly growth (as you can tell I have to repeat the same clothes a lot since a lot of the maternity shirts I have won't cover the bottom of my belly anymore). Also the side ways pictures don't really show how much it has grown very well because my stomach is now going more wide than out because of the way they are positioned:

    

So for the final time before the babies are born I ask that you continue to keep us in your prayers over the next 15 days that the babies will stay in until the c section, the c section goes well, and that they are both healthy! These babies are such little miracles and we can't wait for everyone to meet them! I will do a final blog sometime(hopefully not to long) after they are born!